John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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