You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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