The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
