I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
