I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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