Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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