I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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