It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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