How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
