Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
