Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
