Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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