oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
