census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
