I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
