Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
