No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
