I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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