is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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