no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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