Don't make out with my wife yet
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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