Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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