it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
