My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
