Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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