Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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