the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
