I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
