well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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