Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
