You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
