Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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