You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
