Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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