I am puke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
