So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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