I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
