If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dick very happy bro
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
