some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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