sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
