I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
