Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
