If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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