look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
