My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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