There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
