i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
