Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
