I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
