I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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