How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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