Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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