VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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