What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
