I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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