His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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