New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
