I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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