I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
