I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
NoShamevember. You game?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
