So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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