Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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