Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
