ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
