Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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