Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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