Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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