Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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