what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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