So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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