You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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