we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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