dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I FOUND THE LEGS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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